I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We're too hungover to prance.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
