Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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