Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
