You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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