he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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