sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
