I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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