I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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