hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
