Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
