I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
