is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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