We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
