I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
