Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
