would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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