Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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