i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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