Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
A bitchslap is in order.
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