I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
