we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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