dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
