it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
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Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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