ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
