Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am puke
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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