Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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