I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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