my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
