Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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