You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
