I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
