Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
