FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
