I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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