And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
