Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
