To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
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she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
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They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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