They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
