I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
