I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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