well I can't set my house on fire every night
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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