He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
