When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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