Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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