He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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