You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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