i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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