Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
