Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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