I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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