my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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