i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
