i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
