Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
