He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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