I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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