It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
