am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Randomize
