Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
