just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
