the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Who died my cat blue again?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
