Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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