im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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