I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
