so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize